Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i dont even know how to be here
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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