i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize