Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
