Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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