Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
