Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
