thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
