um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
