Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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