Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
