Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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