it was like his penis was on wheels.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize