we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
