You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
