It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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