his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
