i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
