I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
