Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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