You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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