the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
