I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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