kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
