And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
