two words: eviction party
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
