I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
