but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
