this beer tastes like vomit already
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
