Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
