you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
