I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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