It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We are all done wearing pants today
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
