Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
They are going to name an STD after you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
