are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
