Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
