They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
