Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
