is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
