just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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