Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
