his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize