I CAN MOONWALK!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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