is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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