Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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