Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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