oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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