i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she looked like the before picture.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
