my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
