Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
