Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize