I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
