video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
