youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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