just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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