Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
