Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The air was thick with penises
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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