you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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