I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
