im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
