Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
