Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
