I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
