Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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