he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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