Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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