Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
