He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
