So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
