When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
