i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize