Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
