His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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