I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
