i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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