Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
