end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize