so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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