I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
