it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
