Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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