I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
