I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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