Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
