i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
