I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
