He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
