I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
