Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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