I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
