Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
