I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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