It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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