jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
