hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
