I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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