yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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