Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
