That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
